Thursday, May 30, 2002

Farmer's Thought of the Day: Know your own sex parts.

Example: Told my boss (the evil virgin) I would be late for work tomorrow, because I have an emergency appointment with my doctor. She asked me what was wrong, so I told her. I have a ruptured ovarian cyst.

It's nothing super crazy. I've gotten them before, but there's been a lot of bleeding to I wanted to get it taken care of. My boss, upon hearing this, said, "Oh, I hope your ear will be all right." I said, "well, it's an ovarian cyst." She said, "well, it sounds terrible. My ears hurt just thinking about it."

Now, is there some part of the ear that sounds like "ovary" or "ovarian"??? Or was this some form of puritan politness that she couldn't acknowledge a medical condition below the neck?

OR (and I think this is the correct answer) does my boss (who is a woman for god's sake, albeit one who's never had sex) not know what ovaries are where they are located or what they do? Can someone be so ignorant of what is at the core of them? Would it have helped if I pointed? Should I have showed her?

Ugh....

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

True friend Dana has made airplane arrangements, and promised to chip in for booze, so party is now officially happening on the second to last saturday in June. This will be my first party ever in this apartment. That's probably why I am in fear of having people see where I live.

I have no plants. People are supposed to have plants in their homes, right? Some to do with oxygen and beauty, I think I've heard. Hmmmm..... must get plants.

What about pets? Should I invest in a monkey? Or an aquarium full of seahorses? Or am I a snake person? I think I could be a snake person. Of course, I always have my butterflies, but I think pets officially stop being pets when you put them in to a Killing Jar.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

So, Farmer's Thought for the Day: If you're a bitch (or bastard), then at least have the courage of your convictions to be so all of the time, and not in waves. Because otherwise you're not even being a decent bitch.

The Evil Virgin brought in donuts to work today, and was all smiles whenever I saw her. I, of course, being a human being and not a machine, treated her with the icy silence of a smart person that has been called stupid by a stupid person. Did I eat the donuts? Yes. Half a jelly. But only because it was the kind with the granulated sugar on the outside, instead of the powered stuff. Did I say thank you? No! This is how I shall have my revenge. By being... well... rude.

Not trusted that the Evil Virgin and I were back on good footing, I didn't dare update the old blog until I got home tonight. Instead, went out for drinks with The Dumb Bastard, who, at least has the moral fortitude to remain a bastard.

Oooh, the sauce for the vietnamese spring rolls I had for dinner just gave me the most fragrent belch. And on that note...

Good night.


Sunday, May 26, 2002

I am so psychic!

Yes, it was Jeremy calling last night, and yes, he did want me to go out drinking. So, I found a suitable pair of black stockings (only slightly smelly) and a black and white pvc dress that I figure I can wear for at most one more week before I have to go on a diet. Unfortunately my favorite pair of boots are still broken. Obviously, I was looking like quite a catch.

We went to Man Ray on Brookline so Jeremy could look for his ex-, whom we shall hereforto refer to as: Johnny Feel Good. They were playing 70s music in one of the rooms, so of course Colin and Bad Friend Leslie were both there. It wasn't my scene but at least the music was too loud.

Jeremy ended up dancing all night with some guy who wasn't Johnny Feel Good, but who nevertheless made him feel all right. When their future life together become reasonably assured, I caught a ride home with Bad Friend Leslie, who made me promise (in front of people) to hang out with her, her brother, and Colin to play "Space Risk" with them the following day, which is/was today. (At which point I realize I really suck at conveying any sort of chronology in blogs!)

So, despite managing to keep hold of Africa for most of the game and keeping Leslie's brother from holding onto the Moon, and despite cackling gleefully, "I will hurt you! FROM THE MOON!" I still lost.

Now, I am sitting here at the computer, drinking some green tea, and fantasizing about sleep.

Good night, my children.